Thursday, November 11, 2010

Sample Chapter from Upcoming Book - Safe 4 Retirement : The 4 Keys to a Safe Retirement

This is a sample chapter from a book that I'm working on called

Safe 4 Retirement : The 4 Keys to a Safe Retirement

Please let me know what you think of it. Looking to publish sometime in mid 2011.


Chapter 20

Ten Keys to Being Happy in Retirement

“Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

- Abraham Lincoln

By following the advice I’ve laid out before you in the previous chapters, life as you age can get better and better, just like that fine burgundy people compare it to. In this chapter I’m not going to rehash what you’ve already read: assess and prepare yourself financially, exercise, eat right, and don’t forget to feed your mind. You know that, you’ve got it, so what’s new?

Here, I’ll summarize ten keys that if you follow will do as much to guarantee happiness in your Safe Retirement as anything. Each key reflects some previously discussed principle, but here they’re listed in a refreshing easy-to-follow manner.

Refer to this chapter often. I’ll list the steps at the end without any embellishment. Rip it out and paste in on your bathroom mirror, hang it from the inside of your golf club locker, ink it on your favorite grandchild’s forehead.

Follow the keys, work at them even when you don’t feel like it, and the unstoppable momentum of positivity will fill your life. Like crawdads in ponds, each individual entity of positivity feeds on the others until you’re left with the one granddaddy of them all. Big, fat, and king of its world, your world, one of happiness and feeling good.

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don’t give up.”

- Anne Lamont

Key One -

Laugh. Lighten up for God’s sake! The benefits of a good cachinnation are multi-fold.

  • Life’s more fun. Don’t underestimate this simplest of simple points.
  • Laughter reduces stress hormones. Remember how I went on about stress being one of the biggest killers of all? Fight stress by laughing at it.
  • Funny things are funny because they change our perspective of the world. They help us see problems and difficult situations in a positive light. We’re also shown we’re not alone. If you laughed at it, someone else will too or already has.
  • It’s a great workout. Bizarre? No, fact. Some state that one minute of a full-bellied chuckle gets the heart rate up to what it would take twenty minutes of regular exercise to do. Be healthy, laugh more.

Okay, how do we find things that are so darn funny in this crazy world we live in? There are funny people all around you. Go see a comedy movie or rent one out. Subscribe to the comedy channel. Laugh with your friends—this is the best of both worlds as you get to laugh and be with people you love to be with. The more you laugh, the more they will and the cycle goes on.

Look for the humor in life. This is key. Take a situation you might otherwise think is negative—your candidate didn’t win the election, the neighbor is a snob, you can’t for the life of you understand the new computer program you just bought—and laugh at it.

And last? Fake it until you make it. Keep trying, you can do it.

“Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world—like grace—and shines on everybody.”

- Garrison Keillor

Key Two -

Eat. What? You heard me, eat.

Sound obvious? Well, of course it is, but I mean do it right. Yes, have that organic flaxseed, hemp, and rhubarb shake. By all means follow the food and eating advice I’ve given throughout this book. But then—make it special.

Food is far more than a source of physical sustenance. The very act of planning and preparing a meal is creative and can be soothing if approached from the right perspective. Within the guidelines of healthy eating, buy what you love to eat. Find new recipes, create your own; make the act of preparing and eating a meal one of the high points of your day.

Then share it.

If someone else normally does the cooking, offer to take it over one or two nights a week. Or cook together. Open a bottle of red wine (healthy in limited quantities, remember?), get out the chopping boards, sharpen the knives and partake in the ancient ritual of breaking bread together. For dessert? Chocolate, of course!

If you’re the one who’s always slaving away over the gas burner, try a new country. Find recipes from…northern Africa, the Caribbean, Japan, what about...braised quail in licorice sauce with a side of chopped brussel sprouts in bacon? Make it up!

Not your cup of tea? Find new restaurants and invite friends and/or family.

Eating is naturally social so take advantage of this ΓΌber-healthy combination and be social while making the most out of a daily pleasure we far too often get routine-ized with.

Don’t sit at home with the same old sandwich or frozen dinner. Make the effort to enjoy the food of life. Make the moment special for yourself and others.

“There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.”

- Robert Louis Stevenson

Key Three -

Be open to new trends and ways of thinking. How many of us have heard someone lamenting that “things just aren’t the way they used to be”? How many of us felt like a better person and the world was rosier because of hearing it? How many of us have been guilty of this anti-happiness transgression ourselves?

Don’t turn your nose up because someone splays the chicken in a new way. Appreciate that not only do you have things to teach and give based on the multitude of experiences in your life, but that there’s something to learn from everyone. Be on the lookout for the jewels of other people’s experiences. Incorporate them, be grateful, and wallow in the wonders of the world. One step at a time.

Sure, old ways of thinking are comfortable. Many of them we don’t even understand. We just assume we’re right about whatever we’ve believed in for so long. Questioning your own beliefs can be difficult, but on the other hand it can be extremely rewarding to have the clouds part, the thunder roll away, and behold, you’ve had a new way of doing/thinking/believing revealed from right beneath your nose.

“Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.”

- Josh Billings

Key Four -

Learn. Learn. Learn. Don’t get stuck in your old ways with your old thoughts and beliefs. Brush the dust off your mind; take a class, read a new genre of book. Listen carefully to the opposite side of a debate. Learn why they’re saying what they’re saying and what positive qualities may exist for you.

The ways to go about learning something new are numerous and I’ve mentioned several in earlier parts of the book.

  • Take a class. Any kind. It could be at a local college or university, remember seniors can take many of these for free or deeply discounted rates. It could be a cooking class at a restaurant, a poetry class from the library, an herb growing seminar put on by the local county extension. Even if you’re not sure you’ll be interested, give it a try. You just never know.
  • Read!
  • Turn off the television unless you’re watching a documentary. Only watch the minimum of news necessary to know what’s going on and yet not absorb the negativity.
  • Talk to new people with an open mind. Remember to listen listen listen.
  • Travel.
  • You know what to do. Just go out and do it!

“The person who has had the bull by the tail once has learned sixty or seventy times as much as the person who hasn’t.”

- Mark Twain

Key Five -

Look good. If you don’t have any commitments it can be tempting to hang out in your pajamas or in that ragged t-shirt that should have been thrown out a decade ago.

Remember, how you look on the outside effects how you feel on the inside, and how other people perceive you too. Make it part of your daily ritual to present yourself to the world and yourself in a positive light.

You don’t have to dress like you’re going back to the office, what fun would that be? Dress like you’ve always wanted to dress. Just make sure it’s clean, stylish (in your own way is fine), and “put together.” Wear makeup, put on perfume or cologne. Even if you’re going to spend the day at home studying up for your new online class on do-it-yourself gnome building, present yourself as if you love life and love yourself.

Looking good helps us feel good and that alone is a huge step toward the positive attitude habit we want to ingrain so deeply.

“Good humor may be said to be one of the very best articles of dress one can wear in society.”

- William Makepeace Thackeray

Key Six -

Little things mean a lot. And we often don’t realize just how much. Everyone has down days and insecurities that needle them and they try to bury deep. By paying attention to others (and this means taking the microscope off of ourselves for awhile—a very healthy thing indeed) we’ll know what we can do to brighten their day just a little.

For example, I have an atrocious driver’s license photo. Really, it’s as if they took my picture off the post office wall as one of America’s ten most wanted. The hair on the back of my head is even standing straight up to emphasize the bitter frown that appeared after a couple of smoldering hours in the DMV line.

I could easily get a new picture. But instead, I’ve unearthed an astounding 100% success rate in making people smile. Let’s say I’m in the line to pay for my groceries and spot the checkout operator frowning, her feet and back obviously in pain and generally having a boring, rotten day. Voila! Out comes my ID and a casual, “would you like to see the worst photograph I’ve ever seen?” Without fail a smile will blossom on her tired face as she compares the hideous driver’s license to the (hopefully) more attractive real mug. That is paying attention to the little things.

Encourage. When someone launches out on something new, from a water coloring class to studying life on other planets, hold back the knee-jerk guffaw and instead give them a compliment. Everyone, really, is in the same boat. We’re all trying to make the best of the world we’ve found ourselves in. Appreciate this and say something encouraging, we’re all doing the best we can.

Reward people for a job well done. Have you ever been around someone who can’t help but criticize everything you do? You don’t make the coffee right or slice the cucumber in the correct direction. How much fun was it? It stank didn’t it? Don’t be that person. From finishing law school to shelling pistachios, reward people for a job well done. A simple, “that’s great” can be enough, or do more if you like. The point is to pay attention and see the positive. Leave the bickering and badgering for the old people!

And finally, there doesn’t need to be a reason at all for doing some small, pleasant thing for someone else. Whatever it is, from getting them to smile, to plucking a dandelion from the yard and handing it to them, it all builds toward making them—and therefore you—a happier, better feeling person.

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Key Seven -

Follow your dreams. I discussed this concept at length in the Pursuing Your Passion chapter. However, I just can’t seem to emphasize it enough. Life can be heartbreakingly short. You know that. We’re here to realize our fullest potential and if we sit and watch life go right on by without us, we’re missing out.

Your dreams don’t have to be magnanimous achievements people will be writing about for centuries. Pay attention to what makes you feel good. It’s that simple. Walking on the beach every morning makes you feel good? Well, walk on the beach every morning! Make it a priority. Don’t live near a beach? Time to make some changes. Step by step, plan on how you can get close enough to a beach—permanently or every-now-and-then-ly—so you can go for that walk that makes you feel so good.

It’s all possible. You’re only limited by what you can dream and, of course, the reality in which we live. You want to be the captain of the spaceship Enterprise? Well…how about getting involved in writing science fiction. Read the Star Trek books, see the movies, volunteer to talk about space travel at your local grade school. Or take it up a notch. Take university classes, read up on NASA’s latest discoveries, get involved in forums, conferences, seminars, and the like. You can attack that dream from different angles and who knows the incredible worlds you’ll open up.

But if you don’t take the first step, if you don’t believe you can do it or just never get around to it, then you’ve lost without even trying. I encourage you to get the most out of your life and pursue your passion, follow your dreams and take steps everyday toward that which makes you feel spectacular.

“A man must have his dreams—memory dreams of the past and eager dreams of the future. I never want to stop reaching for new goals.”

- Maurice Chevalier

Key Eight -

Make a date with your negativity. I must be joking, right? I mean, the whole point of this section has been how to develop a positive attitude during your Safe Retirement.

Hang on. Sit back and understand the logic behind this key. If we just shove down our negative thoughts and worries they’re going to bubble up somewhere else. You may be upset over a family issue and accidently lash out at a friend (or stranger) who has nothing to do with the problem.

What’s best is to recognize your negativity or general crankiness, give it the stage it needs, then drop it. This latter aspect is the key.

Set a date with yourself to be negative. Fix a time; 5pm next Wednesday. Comb your hair beforehand, put on perfume or cologne. Shine your shoes. Then at the appointed hour go through all your worries out loud or in writing. If the former you might want to choose the location carefully. The point is to get it out of your system. You might even come up with a solution or two. Then, and here’s the important part, when your time is up, say it’s 7pm now, say goodnight, shake hands and leave it! Drop the negativity, stop being a crank-pot, shake it off and watch a funny movie or go out for drinks with your friends.

Make another date with yourself if you need to. But whatever you do, don’t move in together, don’t even think about getting married to that slime ball called negativity. Don’t worry, by following this simple strategy of allowing yourself highly concentrated yet limited amounts of time to be critical of life and all that it holds, you will grow to really appreciate how it’s no fun. You’ll be taking steps to purge yourself of the need to harbor negativity.

What you’re doing is not leaving poison to chance. Poison takes many forms and negativity is one of the most vitriolic. Honor your complaints, see them clearly, then get the heck away.

Try it. You might be positively pleased by the outcome.

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor, to console him for what he is.”

- The Wall Street Journal

Key Nine -

Get close to nature regularly. Nature nourishes the soul like nothing else. If you can go for those walks on the beach, do it. If it’s hiking or camping, bird watching or gardening, make it a priority. Even if it’s just taking time to watch the birds building a nest in the tree outside your window that could be enough. How about watching an entire sunset or sunrise? Don’t hurry off to do whatever’s nagging you to get done, just stay still for the full event.

The great thing about getting close to nature is many of your options can entail being with other people. Maybe it means going for a morning walk every day with a group of neighbors. Join a hiking club; or skiing, or scuba diving, or gardening, or whatever interests you and gets you close to nature.

You don’t have to create a life in the wilderness, just understand that within nature we find a deep connection that nothing else provides. A quiet walk or simple sunrise is a direct path to lifting your spirits and seeing the beauty in the world.

“When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.”

- John Muir

Key Ten -

I’ve saved the most important key for last. Above all else I’ve recommended, follow this one and happiness in your Safe Retirement will be most assured.

Seek love. Be love.

Spend time with your friends and family. Pay attention to their worlds and concerns. Make new friends. Remember that small things count enormously: encourage, reward, notice.

The social bond is the strongest and most important for our species. We are made to love and be loved. The most important time you can spend is with your loved ones. Be positive and supportive and they’ll love you even more in return.

“Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open, and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.”

- Dorothy Parker

When you follow these ten keys your odds at having a happy Safe Retirement will sky rocket. Remember, each of the keys plays off of a basic principle discussed earlier in the book. Healthy eating, exercise, mental activity, and being social; all are incorporated in the above ten.

The point is the future is in your hands. You can carve and mold it any way you like. But some of us need help, we need practical steps and tools to structure the best unique life for ourselves. The ten keys will do this, as will the information in this entire book.

In summary:

1) Laugh.

2) Eat.

3) Be open.

4) Learn. Learn. Learn.

5) Look good.

6) Little things mean a lot.

7) Follow your dreams.

8) Make a date with your negativity.

9) Get close to nature.

10) Seek love. Be love.

The future is yours. Grab it and love it!

“Where there is great love, there are always miracles.”

- Will Cather