Is This Your Year To Retire?

It’s that time again when we all make New Year’s resolutions. It’s usually around losing weight, exercising or paying more attention to your family and less to your iPad or Crackberry. For many of us in the baby boomer generation, it also presents a time for us to think about that wonderful R word: retirement.

At the beginning of a new year, many of us may be entering or considering that next phase of our lives. The phase that we’ve waited for. The phase that we’ve dreamed of. The phase that we’ve planned for.

Wait a second, you haven’t planned for it? I’m not talking about just your financial plan. I’m talking about real retirement planning.

I’m a professional market researcher and focus group moderator who has interviewed thousands of individuals and professionals about retirement. When you discuss retirement planning, most people will mention their financial plan or having their “number” that constitutes what they need to retire. For most people, hitting this number and the realization that you can afford to retire is the end point, the goal.

Although having a financial plan and a “number” that provides the income you need is vital, the reality is that this is not the end point. Retirement is not just about having the right amount of money but having a plan in place regarding what you’re going to do in retirement. This includes not only planning for the fun things such as travel and babysitting your grandkids, but must include your plans for maintaining your health, having a positive mental attitude and being involved with the world around you. The goal is to thrive and enjoy a safe retirement.

Let’s start (and I mean start, not end) with financial planning for retirement. I like to call it your “financial preparedness” for retirement. Certainly it’s important to have a number that you’re working towards, or for those fortunate enough to have pension plans, an income figure that you know will be there. I hope that at this point in your life, you’ve taken the time to create a plan that identifies your financial needs in retirement. (For those reading this who are not close to retirement age, I’d advise you to use this year to resolve to get your financial plan either started or in good shape).

To touch all of the bases that need to be covered to ensure that your plan is up to snuff would be impossible in an article of this length. Get the books. Check out the websites. Make that appointment with a financial professional, if that’s what you choose. Whatever you decide, wherever you are in life, make the resolution to get your financial plan in place for retirement.

Planning for retirement is not just about knowing how much you need to retire, but it needs to consider your withdrawal plan or how you’ll pay yourself from that fund of money you’ve built up. I use a couple of guidelines that are worth considering. The first is to target an income that allows for 80% of your working life expenses. In other words, if you spend $80,000 a year now, plan to budget for 80% of that, or having an income of $64,000 during retirement.

Also, a good idea is to pay off that mortgage before you retire. That will provide you with additional income. That’s a good New Year’s resolution for people approaching retirement!

There are a lot of moving parts associated with creating an individualized financial plan, but another guideline to consider is the “expectation” that you can generate 5% off of your portfolio for income. There is also a theory out there, which has much merit, that the optimal number for withdrawals from your portfolio should be 4%. The point here is that financial planning for retirement is necessary and a very personalized process. If you haven’t done it, take it as a New Year’s resolution to do so, whether you’re retiring or not!

I understand that with many tools and resources available to us today, many of us would like to take this task on ourselves. I tend to believe that a professional such as a financial planner can be a good resource to help you, but whatever route you choose, the important thing is to create, maintain and frequently review a financial plan.

The problem for most people is that even if they do have a financial plan, and it may be a good one at that, this is often where they stop planning. If you come away with nothing else from this article, please understand that financial planning is only one step in the process of planning for a safe and successful retirement.

Having the money to retire is important, but how important is it if you don’t have the health you need to enjoy your retirement? That’s right, I wasn’t about to leave out that famous New Year’s resolution of taking care of your health. Many people see this as the most important aspect of retirement. How many times did your Uncle or Aunt tell you “if you don’t have your health, you have nothing”? They were right!

Let’s look at what it means to be physically prepared for retirement. If you don’t have thoughts about your health and wellness front and center in your mind, you need to change your viewpoint. For those retiring or in retirement, you need to resolve to have yearly checkups, a clear understanding of what your vital stats are and an exercise plan that you can adhere to.

There’s another one – the same old New Year’s resolution that you’ve passed over each year – exercising. Well here’s a news flash: you can read all of the magazines and books you want, the bottom line is that for retirees, exercise is NOT an option. You’ll have the time, you need to do something: walking, treadmill, swimming, whatever. It’s also a great way for you to create a schedule for yourself and a healthy way to interact with friends and heck, even your spouse.

Just as you created a plan for your financial needs, you need to do the same for your own physical wellbeing. Once again, this is very personalized but it should include the following: regular doctor visits, exercise, recognizing that you are what you eat (you need to consider the kinds of food you ingest and your frequency of alcohol consumption), take your vitamins, staying mentally active (crosswords, reading and taking classes are great ideas), and most important, just relax.

You’re probably in better shape than you think. Retirement is about enjoying yourself, not creating terror when you have a doctor’s appointments. If you resolve to plan on staying healthy in retirement, you’ll be more likely than not to enjoy a safe and healthy retirement.

Just as we’ve planned for our physical health, we need to take a good look at our mental attitude as we plan for, and enter retirement. As we retire, we leave the routines and people that we’ve come to know in our working lives. As I said, many people simply view the time of retirement as a goal and without planning about what happens after we announce our retirement. Then that first day comes when the alarm clock doesn’t go off and many people are in for some serious “confusion”.

We have all heard the stories about the new retiree who now spends their time getting in the way of their spouse at home. The spouses fight and ultimately one of two things happened: they either kill each other or one spouse has to go out a find a part time job. This is retirement? This happens all too many times and it’s all due to a lack of planning and more importantly, a lack of communicating.

As you plan to retire, you need to sit down with your love ones. If it’s a spouse or significant other, you need to discuss what you’ll do together now that you have all of this time together. You need to find a plan and schedule that works for both of you and is respectful of each other’s activities and interests. You should also sit with your family and discuss how this may impact them. Being the grandparents who are always over because they have nothing else to do is not going to work. What does work is asking them how you can be involved in their lives now that you have the time.

Retirement will be a great time. It will also be a time when you’ll experience loss as you’ve never experienced it before. You’ll lose old friends and family members. This will be very hard on you. Unfortunately, it’s something you need to plan on. It will be very important that you maintain as upbeat and positive an attitude as possible in retirement. Heck, it’s what you’ve been waiting for your whole life. Even with the pains, it can be the most enjoyable part of your life.

If you’re nearing retirement, resolve to do the following: sit down and write down what you envision your retirement to look like. You should then store this document in a drawer and take it out often during your retirement to see how you’re “doing”. When you prepare this document, think positive and optimistically as well as spend some time preparing yourself mentally for the good and bad things that can happen in retirement.

Quite often our ability to stay positive and prepared for the good and bad that will happen in retirement will bring us back to our spirituality. Retirement can be a great time to more fully explore your spirituality. This can include becoming more regularly involved with your church or even taking the opportunity to visit other houses of worship with friends. I’ve heard of retirees discussing the benefits to their own spiritual journey of attending services, or reading about beliefs of other religions. Retirement is a time of exploration, not a time to be closed minded and “set in your ways”. When you resolve yourself to keeping an open mind and positive attitude in retirement, the rewards will be great.

This leads into the last element that you need to plan on for a safe and enjoyable retirement: how will you stay involved when you’re retired? Retirement is not about sitting on the couch with the afghan watching old Roseanne episodes (I know, that disappoints me as well). Get your butt out the door and interact with the world around you!

This is retirement after all. It’s your ‘free’ time, go and enjoy it. Sure, take trips, spend time with your family and heck, sleep late when you want. Just be sure that you also stay involved with the world out there!

This is not just about planning how you’re going to spend your time each day, but now that you have time available to you, you need to think about how you can use this time to impact and improve things for others. Because believe me, the reward of improving things for others not only make you feel good, but you’ll feel rewarded as well. How many times did you say when you were working, that it wasn’t about the money, you just wanted to be recognized and feel rewarded for your hard work?

The reality is that you can now do this. In fact, you can get this in spades now that you’re retired. How to start? Why not think back to all of those organizations that you gave money to last year? All of those mailings that you received in December asking for your “membership” or donations include organizations that would LOVE to have you be actively involved with them.

Talk to your friends or spouse and identify organizations that you’d enjoy helping and contact them. It’s not that difficult. There are online resources available to connect you with local organizations looking for volunteers. Sometimes the best place to start is with your own church. Wherever you start, the important thing is to do something! This will provide you a routine and a connection that will not only replace what you had in your working life, but is something that you can control and you’ll be in charge of the time commitments that you make.

Retirement is a time to enjoy yourself and do the things you‘ve dreamed of doing. You’ve earned it!

So as the New Year brings another round of resolutions to make and break, I hope that if retirement is a possibility for you in the next year or two, you’ll take the time to think about and plan for the four aspects of creating a safe retirement: financial preparedness, your physical wellbeing, mental attitude and staying involved.

As the year begins, make a resolution to take the time to plan for each of these aspects. Taking the time now to do that will reap huge rewards done the road.

Oh, and while you’re planning to do this, have that donut or piece of pie that last year’s diet resolution wouldn’t let you have. I won’t tell.

Sample Chapter from Upcoming Book - Safe 4 Retirement : The 4 Keys to a Safe Retirement

This is a sample chapter from a book that I'm working on called

Safe 4 Retirement : The 4 Keys to a Safe Retirement

Please let me know what you think of it. Looking to publish sometime in mid 2011.

Chapter 20

Ten Keys to Being Happy in Retirement

“Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

- Abraham Lincoln

By following the advice I’ve laid out before you in the previous chapters, life as you age can get better and better, just like that fine burgundy people compare it to. In this chapter I’m not going to rehash what you’ve already read: assess and prepare yourself financially, exercise, eat right, and don’t forget to feed your mind. You know that, you’ve got it, so what’s new?

Here, I’ll summarize ten keys that if you follow will do as much to guarantee happiness in your Safe Retirement as anything. Each key reflects some previously discussed principle, but here they’re listed in a refreshing easy-to-follow manner.

Refer to this chapter often. I’ll list the steps at the end without any embellishment. Rip it out and paste in on your bathroom mirror, hang it from the inside of your golf club locker, ink it on your favorite grandchild’s forehead.

Follow the keys, work at them even when you don’t feel like it, and the unstoppable momentum of positivity will fill your life. Like crawdads in ponds, each individual entity of positivity feeds on the others until you’re left with the one granddaddy of them all. Big, fat, and king of its world, your world, one of happiness and feeling good.

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don’t give up.”

- Anne Lamont

Key One -

Laugh. Lighten up for God’s sake! The benefits of a good cachinnation are multi-fold.

• Life’s more fun. Don’t underestimate this simplest of simple points.
• Laughter reduces stress hormones. Remember how I went on about stress being one of the biggest killers of all? Fight stress by laughing at it.
• Funny things are funny because they change our perspective of the world. They help us see problems and difficult situations in a positive light. We’re also shown we’re not alone. If you laughed at it, someone else will too or already has.
• It’s a great workout. Bizarre? No, fact. Some state that one minute of a full-bellied chuckle gets the heart rate up to what it would take twenty minutes of regular exercise to do. Be healthy, laugh more.

Okay, how do we find things that are so darn funny in this crazy world we live in? There are funny people all around you. Go see a comedy movie or rent one out. Subscribe to the comedy channel. Laugh with your friends—this is the best of both worlds as you get to laugh and be with people you love to be with. The more you laugh, the more they will and the cycle goes on.

Look for the humor in life. This is key. Take a situation you might otherwise think is negative—your candidate didn’t win the election, the neighbor is a snob, you can’t for the life of you understand the new computer program you just bought—and laugh at it.

And last? Fake it until you make it. Keep trying, you can do it.

“Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world—like grace—and shines on everybody.”

- Garrison Keillor

Key Two -

Eat. What? You heard me, eat.

Sound obvious? Well, of course it is, but I mean do it right. Yes, have that organic flaxseed, hemp, and rhubarb shake. By all means follow the food and eating advice I’ve given throughout this book. But then—make it special.

Food is far more than a source of physical sustenance. The very act of planning and preparing a meal is creative and can be soothing if approached from the right perspective. Within the guidelines of healthy eating, buy what you love to eat. Find new recipes, create your own; make the act of preparing and eating a meal one of the high points of your day.

Then share it.

If someone else normally does the cooking, offer to take it over one or two nights a week. Or cook together. Open a bottle of red wine (healthy in limited quantities, remember?), get out the chopping boards, sharpen the knives and partake in the ancient ritual of breaking bread together. For dessert? Chocolate, of course!

If you’re the one who’s always slaving away over the gas burner, try a new country. Find recipes from…northern Africa, the Caribbean, Japan, what about...braised quail in licorice sauce with a side of chopped brussel sprouts in bacon? Make it up!

Not your cup of tea? Find new restaurants and invite friends and/or family.

Eating is naturally social so take advantage of this über-healthy combination and be social while making the most out of a daily pleasure we far too often get routine-ized with.

Don’t sit at home with the same old sandwich or frozen dinner. Make the effort to enjoy the food of life. Make the moment special for yourself and others.

“There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.”

- Robert Louis Stevenson

Key Three -

Be open to new trends and ways of thinking. How many of us have heard someone lamenting that “things just aren’t the way they used to be”? How many of us felt like a better person and the world was rosier because of hearing it? How many of us have been guilty of this anti-happiness transgression ourselves?

Don’t turn your nose up because someone splays the chicken in a new way. Appreciate that not only do you have things to teach and give based on the multitude of experiences in your life, but that there’s something to learn from everyone. Be on the lookout for the jewels of other people’s experiences. Incorporate them, be grateful, and wallow in the wonders of the world. One step at a time.

Sure, old ways of thinking are comfortable. Many of them we don’t even understand. We just assume we’re right about whatever we’ve believed in for so long. Questioning your own beliefs can be difficult, but on the other hand it can be extremely rewarding to have the clouds part, the thunder roll away, and behold, you’ve had a new way of doing/thinking/believing revealed from right beneath your nose.

“Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.”

- Josh Billings

Key Four -

Learn. Learn. Learn. Don’t get stuck in your old ways with your old thoughts and beliefs. Brush the dust off your mind; take a class, read a new genre of book. Listen carefully to the opposite side of a debate. Learn why they’re saying what they’re saying and what positive qualities may exist for you.

The ways to go about learning something new are numerous and I’ve mentioned several in earlier parts of the book.

• Take a class. Any kind. It could be at a local college or university, remember seniors can take many of these for free or deeply discounted rates. It could be a cooking class at a restaurant, a poetry class from the library, an herb growing seminar put on by the local county extension. Even if you’re not sure you’ll be interested, give it a try. You just never know.
• Read!
• Turn off the television unless you’re watching a documentary. Only watch the minimum of news necessary to know what’s going on and yet not absorb the negativity.
• Talk to new people with an open mind. Remember to listen listen listen.
• Travel.
• You know what to do. Just go out and do it!

“The person who has had the bull by the tail once has learned sixty or seventy times as much as the person who hasn’t.”

- Mark Twain

Key Five -

Look good. If you don’t have any commitments it can be tempting to hang out in your pajamas or in that ragged t-shirt that should have been thrown out a decade ago.

Remember, how you look on the outside effects how you feel on the inside, and how other people perceive you too. Make it part of your daily ritual to present yourself to the world and yourself in a positive light.

You don’t have to dress like you’re going back to the office, what fun would that be? Dress like you’ve always wanted to dress. Just make sure it’s clean, stylish (in your own way is fine), and “put together.” Wear makeup, put on perfume or cologne. Even if you’re going to spend the day at home studying up for your new online class on do-it-yourself gnome building, present yourself as if you love life and love yourself.

Looking good helps us feel good and that alone is a huge step toward the positive attitude habit we want to ingrain so deeply.

“Good humor may be said to be one of the very best articles of dress one can wear in society.”

- William Makepeace Thackeray

Key Six -

Little things mean a lot. And we often don’t realize just how much. Everyone has down days and insecurities that needle them and they try to bury deep. By paying attention to others (and this means taking the microscope off of ourselves for awhile—a very healthy thing indeed) we’ll know what we can do to brighten their day just a little.

For example, I have an atrocious driver’s license photo. Really, it’s as if they took my picture off the post office wall as one of America’s ten most wanted. The hair on the back of my head is even standing straight up to emphasize the bitter frown that appeared after a couple of smoldering hours in the DMV line.

I could easily get a new picture. But instead, I’ve unearthed an astounding 100% success rate in making people smile. Let’s say I’m in the line to pay for my groceries and spot the checkout operator frowning, her feet and back obviously in pain and generally having a boring, rotten day. Voila! Out comes my ID and a casual, “would you like to see the worst photograph I’ve ever seen?” Without fail a smile will blossom on her tired face as she compares the hideous driver’s license to the (hopefully) more attractive real mug. That is paying attention to the little things.

Encourage. When someone launches out on something new, from a water coloring class to studying life on other planets, hold back the knee-jerk guffaw and instead give them a compliment. Everyone, really, is in the same boat. We’re all trying to make the best of the world we’ve found ourselves in. Appreciate this and say something encouraging, we’re all doing the best we can.

Reward people for a job well done. Have you ever been around someone who can’t help but criticize everything you do? You don’t make the coffee right or slice the cucumber in the correct direction. How much fun was it? It stank didn’t it? Don’t be that person. From finishing law school to shelling pistachios, reward people for a job well done. A simple, “that’s great” can be enough, or do more if you like. The point is to pay attention and see the positive. Leave the bickering and badgering for the old people!

And finally, there doesn’t need to be a reason at all for doing some small, pleasant thing for someone else. Whatever it is, from getting them to smile, to plucking a dandelion from the yard and handing it to them, it all builds toward making them—and therefore you—a happier, better feeling person.

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Key Seven -

Follow your dreams. I discussed this concept at length in the Pursuing Your Passion chapter. However, I just can’t seem to emphasize it enough. Life can be heartbreakingly short. You know that. We’re here to realize our fullest potential and if we sit and watch life go right on by without us, we’re missing out.

Your dreams don’t have to be magnanimous achievements people will be writing about for centuries. Pay attention to what makes you feel good. It’s that simple. Walking on the beach every morning makes you feel good? Well, walk on the beach every morning! Make it a priority. Don’t live near a beach? Time to make some changes. Step by step, plan on how you can get close enough to a beach—permanently or every-now-and-then-ly—so you can go for that walk that makes you feel so good.

It’s all possible. You’re only limited by what you can dream and, of course, the reality in which we live. You want to be the captain of the spaceship Enterprise? Well…how about getting involved in writing science fiction. Read the Star Trek books, see the movies, volunteer to talk about space travel at your local grade school. Or take it up a notch. Take university classes, read up on NASA’s latest discoveries, get involved in forums, conferences, seminars, and the like. You can attack that dream from different angles and who knows the incredible worlds you’ll open up.

But if you don’t take the first step, if you don’t believe you can do it or just never get around to it, then you’ve lost without even trying. I encourage you to get the most out of your life and pursue your passion, follow your dreams and take steps everyday toward that which makes you feel spectacular.

“A man must have his dreams—memory dreams of the past and eager dreams of the future. I never want to stop reaching for new goals.”

- Maurice Chevalier

Key Eight -

Make a date with your negativity. I must be joking, right? I mean, the whole point of this section has been how to develop a positive attitude during your Safe Retirement.

Hang on. Sit back and understand the logic behind this key. If we just shove down our negative thoughts and worries they’re going to bubble up somewhere else. You may be upset over a family issue and accidently lash out at a friend (or stranger) who has nothing to do with the problem.

What’s best is to recognize your negativity or general crankiness, give it the stage it needs, then drop it. This latter aspect is the key.

Set a date with yourself to be negative. Fix a time; 5pm next Wednesday. Comb your hair beforehand, put on perfume or cologne. Shine your shoes. Then at the appointed hour go through all your worries out loud or in writing. If the former you might want to choose the location carefully. The point is to get it out of your system. You might even come up with a solution or two. Then, and here’s the important part, when your time is up, say it’s 7pm now, say goodnight, shake hands and leave it! Drop the negativity, stop being a crank-pot, shake it off and watch a funny movie or go out for drinks with your friends.

Make another date with yourself if you need to. But whatever you do, don’t move in together, don’t even think about getting married to that slime ball called negativity. Don’t worry, by following this simple strategy of allowing yourself highly concentrated yet limited amounts of time to be critical of life and all that it holds, you will grow to really appreciate how it’s no fun. You’ll be taking steps to purge yourself of the need to harbor negativity.

What you’re doing is not leaving poison to chance. Poison takes many forms and negativity is one of the most vitriolic. Honor your complaints, see them clearly, then get the heck away.

Try it. You might be positively pleased by the outcome.

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor, to console him for what he is.”

- The Wall Street Journal

Key Nine -

Get close to nature regularly. Nature nourishes the soul like nothing else. If you can go for those walks on the beach, do it. If it’s hiking or camping, bird watching or gardening, make it a priority. Even if it’s just taking time to watch the birds building a nest in the tree outside your window that could be enough. How about watching an entire sunset or sunrise? Don’t hurry off to do whatever’s nagging you to get done, just stay still for the full event.

The great thing about getting close to nature is many of your options can entail being with other people. Maybe it means going for a morning walk every day with a group of neighbors. Join a hiking club; or skiing, or scuba diving, or gardening, or whatever interests you and gets you close to nature.

You don’t have to create a life in the wilderness, just understand that within nature we find a deep connection that nothing else provides. A quiet walk or simple sunrise is a direct path to lifting your spirits and seeing the beauty in the world.

“When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.”

- John Muir

Key Ten -

I’ve saved the most important key for last. Above all else I’ve recommended, follow this one and happiness in your Safe Retirement will be most assured.

Seek love. Be love.

Spend time with your friends and family. Pay attention to their worlds and concerns. Make new friends. Remember that small things count enormously: encourage, reward, notice.

The social bond is the strongest and most important for our species. We are made to love and be loved. The most important time you can spend is with your loved ones. Be positive and supportive and they’ll love you even more in return.

“Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open, and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.”

- Dorothy Parker

When you follow these ten keys your odds at having a happy Safe Retirement will sky rocket. Remember, each of the keys plays off of a basic principle discussed earlier in the book. Healthy eating, exercise, mental activity, and being social; all are incorporated in the above ten.

The point is the future is in your hands. You can carve and mold it any way you like. But some of us need help, we need practical steps and tools to structure the best unique life for ourselves. The ten keys will do this, as will the information in this entire book.

In summary:

1) Laugh.

2) Eat.

3) Be open.

4) Learn. Learn. Learn.

5) Look good.

6) Little things mean a lot.

7) Follow your dreams.

8) Make a date with your negativity.

9) Get close to nature.

10) Seek love. Be love.

The future is yours. Grab it and love it!

“Where there is great love, there are always miracles.”

- Will Cather

New York in 1983

Check out these shots of NYC in 1983:

http://nyc.theonething.net

One of John's Stories

I have a dear friend from Queens named John.

He’s lived a life that warrants its own book. I’ve told him many times to sit down and write it. Unfortunately he’s been too busy taking care of family matters and his health to do so.

So when he told me this story the other day, I decided that not only did it warrant its own retelling but it would provide a good opportunity to begin to record his many stories and interactions with people.

My Mom had a friend who would always come around the flower shop during our busy times. She would always help out by setting up a sidewalk stand to help sell the holiday stuff to keep the store from getting too crowded. At lunch she would go in and make my Mom and me and my five brothers pasta with a wonderful sauce.

Now she’s over 80 and is in a nursing home on Queens Boulevard. Last week was her birthday. I made a beautiful bouquet and brought it over to her. Naturally there was no parking so I double parked and ran in. I gave the flowers to a big black orderly who looked the flowers over and asked what would happen if he didn’t get the flowers to my Mom’s friend and kept them for himself. I told him that when I stopped in next week and she didn’t thank me for the flowers, I would personally come up to him and kill him.

On the way back to the elevator and to my double parked car, I passed a little old man sitting in the hall. He was hunched over and looked up as I passed. I looked at him and said hello.

I went to the elevator and looked back at him. He was still looking up at me and signaled me to come back over to him. I walked back to him and he asked me to pull up a chair, which I did.

‘You know I don’t have any family. No sons, no daughters. If I had any kids, I would tell them just one thing that I’ve learned from life. Do you want to hear it?’

I naturally said of course and pulled my chair closer to the man.

He did his best to straighten in his seat and looked directly at me, “If you love life, it will love you back.”

We talked for a little while longer and then I saw that he was getting tired so I moved my chair back. As I stood up I asked him if he knew my Mom’s friend. He replied that he had and in fact ‘had a thing for younger women.’

“It’s her birthday today. If you see her say Happy Birthday, she’d appreciate it.”

He looked at me and smiled. “I’ll do that young man.”

As I went to the elevator, the orderly who I had left the flowers with came over to me.

“What’d you say to that old guy?”

“Why?” I asked.

“Man that guy don’t talk to anyone. I’ve been here for five years and I ain’t ever seen him talk to anyone. What’d he say to you?”

The elevator door opened. I held it open. “Why don’t you sit down and talk to him one day. He’ll tell you some good things. Oh, and make sure you deliver those flowers.”

The Ghosts of Staten Island (formerly Richmond)

“..Staten Island itself had already been victimized as kind of a dumping ground for New York City: its garbage was dumped there, its mentally ill were warehoused there and the borough itself was ignored. “It’s like nowhere else in the world,” Ms. Brancaccio said. “But when you’re not paying attention, bad things are going to happen.”

Long Shadows of a Borough’s Bogeyman,

John Anderson, New York Times, May 30, 2010

I finished cleaning out my recently deceased parents’ house on Staten Island this week. Cleaning out the home that you grew up is always a heart wrenching experience. When it’s the home that your 85 year old father was born in and lived his entire life in, it’s even more heartbreaking.

Living now in New Jersey, I often refer to myself as growing up in New York City, which would technically be correct. However, if I said that I grew up in the City, I would consider that lying as everyone knows that would be in reference strictly to Manhattan. So most times I just say I grew up on Staten Island and although my accent has waned over the years, it’s never really gone away.

It always comes back when I encounter another Staten Islander and we share “wherebouts?” to understand if we know any of the same people or grew up near each other. When I point out that I grew up in Travis, even to a long time resident of the Island, they often need a further explanation of where it is.

Travis is a lost town in a city that seems to be structured so that no one can get lost. It’s one of the furthest points of New York City. A place that came into being because Polish immigrants found that they could get work in the factories of New Jersey through a commute by rowboat on the Kill Van Kull. There was also the option of finding work in the linoleum factory that now houses one of the primary power plants for all of New York City (the town was originally called Linoleumville).

It’s usually when I mention that Travis is where the landfill is, that most people will actually acknowledge that “now I know where it is”. Growing up with the world’s largest landfill in my back yard (actually two blocks from it, but it feels like your back yard especially in the heat of summer) was really something that didn’t fully impact me until I read a story of how astronauts could actually see it from the sky, much like the Great Wall of China (a story that turns out to be false).

My father’s house is a small house on land where his family raised turkeys. I remember days as a child spent waiting for the bookmobile to park in front of the city park next to my house. I remember taking out the copy of The Red Balloon so many times that the librarian actually walked to my house and told my father that he should buy me my own copy.

I still remember an ice man coming into town to deliver ice to Babe’s Bar and stopping in front of the park on a hot summer day to distribute chunks of ice to all the kids. Although this was the sixties and most people had refrigerators, I thought ice men were necessary just like the knife sharpener who would travel through town clanking his bell for customers.

I will often tell friends of how as kids we would play ‘scramble’ each Election Day in the schoolyard. I’ve learned over the years that this was a unique experience for those in Travis and yet as a kid I thought that this was as American an experience as having a massive parade on the Fourth of July (that parade, conducted in Travis each Independence Day is now one of the longest running parades of its kind in the country).

Scramble was an expected experience for all Travis residents, adults and kids alike. Voting on Election Day was conducted at the public school (PS 26). Entering the schoolyard, those adults seeking to vote had to travel through a gauntlet of school aged kids who would taunt everyone by yelling “scramble.” In order to ultimately get into the school to vote, adults would have to throw a handful of change to get the kids from blocking their way to the door. No one was ever entirely blocked from entering the school but those who didn’t toss change were taunted even louder when they left the school to return home after voting. The real excitement was when someone would yell “silver” indicating that nickels, dimes and quarters were included in a toss. I can still remember the joy of walking to the penny candy store with my old sock filled with change.

During my recent visit to my parents’ house, I encountered an event in Travis that I had never seen before – the opening of a hotel. On the perimeter of the long closed (except when 9/11 called it back into duty) landfill was a brand new Comfort Inn. Rather than heralding its views of the world’s largest landfill, it highlighted clean rooms and low rates. I thought of how my parents would never see the tourism boom that will take place as not only the Comfort Inn, but an unfinished hotel as well next to it, would fill up with visitors seeking the allure of Travis. The fact that it’s a stop right off of the Expressway may have more to do with its allure than the landfill tours, but two of them? I’m sure they’ll fill up for the 4^th of July parade. Maybe.

Staten Island, like Travis, has changed drastically in the time since I left it for good in the eighties. Much of what I knew as a child no longer exists. This had been apparent to me each time I would visit my parents and now it was even clearer as I packaged up the memories from their house.

The borough formerly known as Richmond has shed much of its past and seems committed to moving on, which is a good thing. Kids would never be able to play ‘scramble’ now but it’s fine with me that the landfill is closed. Even with the real estate bust, selling my parents’ house will be easier than it would’ve been had the landfill still be in operation.

Yet I fear that too much of Staten Island’s past has become lost and it seems clear that most of the residents want it that way. A recent article in the New York Times further punctuated the loss of the island’s past and how people want to forget and bury at least, the bad memories of the past. The article told about a planned showing of a documentary called “Cropsey” at the College of Staten Island. The film documents the story of disappearing children from a state mental institution known as the Willowbrook State School and the conviction of an employee of the institution in one of those cases.

Willowbrook was the place that a brave young reporter by the name of Geraldo Rivera was able to shut down by revealing the abhorrent treatment of its residents by the same people who were employed to help them. As a child growing up on Staten Island, I was keenly aware of the Willowbrook State School. It was a place that I saw close up and first hand every day that I went to high school.

As a rider on the R112 (remember this was the borough of Richmond, thus the R), my daily trip would take me through the gates of Willowbrook and for a couple of miles I’d be driven around the State Institution as the bus would pick up and drop off workers. Each of these days, I saw what Geraldo reported: naked children rocking mindlessly on the lawn while workers smoked and joked with each other oblivious to the kids, residents running away from workers who would catch up to them and would beat them as if no one was watching, and the occasional resident who tried to get on board a bus and just stood in the doorway not with a look of “save me”, but a look of emptiness that still haunts me to this day.

Because of Rivera’s reporting, the place was closed and buried with it were the horrors that existed there. Now on the same property, the College of Staten Island has risen in order to provide students with the ability to learn the skills to better their lives and those of others on the island. The article notes the intention of the filmmakers to screen the initial viewing of the documentary, “Crospey” at the College.

There are those, however who want this awful past to remain buried and are protesting this planned showing. I was struck by the quote in the article of a website writer who is quoted in the article referring to the story of the documentary, “You create a scenario where people assume it’s fake..and then you blow their minds with ‘It’s all true!’”

There are those who would love to think that Willowbrook wasn’t true. But it was. I saw it. Geraldo saw it.

Years from now, when it’s a park with two operating hotels doing bird tours, people will forget that Travis was once home to the world’s largest landfill. Many will doubt my stories of ‘scramble’ and have no idea what I meant by a bookmobile. But I remember.

As I move my parents’ belongings to where many old Staten Islanders reside, New Jersey, I realize that you can’t move the memories. My parents remembered all of the things I told you as well as many other stories that are probably lost forever. Like any other family, we had good times and bad times. I’ve found over the years that trying to forget the bad times also comes with the risk of forgetting the good times as well.

I realize this as I pack up the belongings and memories from the house I grew up in. I can leave Staten Island, but Staten Island will never leave me. And in the end, I’ve got to believe that that’s a good thing.

The author is Jack Tatar who was born on Staten Island in 1959 and lives in Pennington, NJ. He’s Chief Executive Officer of GEM Research Solutions. He is undecided about attending this year’s Fourth of July Parade in Travis.