Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Caregivers : Give Yourself a Break

“To the family—that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.”
-       Dodie Smith, Dear Octopus


Caretaking can be an emotionally powerful experience. The well being and comfort of someone you love is in your hands and you want to do the best job possible. You are helping that person stay out of a nursing home, to recover from a debilitating disease, or to go through the process of dying itself. Your role is invaluable and you may never fully understand the appreciation and gratitude felt by the person you’re looking after.
            However, you also need to take care of yourself. A recent study by Gallup shows that 16% of the American workforce is also a caretaker for someone. Of that group, the vast majority, 65%, are between the ages of forty-five and sixty-four with the next largest group, 22%, between the ages of thirty and forty-four. (source)
            What the study revealed was that whichever age group you belong to if you’re a caretaker chances are your health is suffering too. High blood pressure and reoccurring physical pain are two of the main culprits. Caregivers reported that not only did they have new health issues, but they also suffered from lower energy and productivity. The numbers showed this prevented them from participating in their normal day-to-day activities and they often didn’t feel well rested. Does any of that sound familiar?  
            And yet caretaking doesn’t only take a physical toll, but emotional and mental ones as well. You’re not just helping someone get dressed and bathed, standing up from a chair or sofa, or any of their myriad other day-to-day activities. You’re also taking on the responsibility of helping someone who’s experiencing the effects of old age to the extent they can’t fully look after themselves.
            You are in charge of medicines and must be alert for changes in symptoms or needs. You’re involved in their moods, which may include disillusionment and depression, and for making sure they’re socially active. As if life isn’t hard enough as it is, you’re now taking on someone else’s problems; but it’s someone you love and feel responsible for.
According to the Minnesota Department of Human Services, taking a break from your caretaker role is “the most important thing a caregiver can do to sustain the ability and desire to care for an individual.”
What prevents many of us from giving ourselves the time and care we need is a feeling of responsibility for the loved one. We believe we’re somehow failing if we aren’t there. We tell ourselves it’s such an important role, how can we let this person down? We might feel we’re the only one who understands the person well enough to give the proper care. Some other person might go through the motions but miss the special details and compassion that only we know how to give.
The key here is to get out of your own way. You aren’t the only person that can give appropriate care and if you don’t look after yourself you won’t be able to do any caretaking at all. You don’t want to get worn down, either physically or emotionally and lose your motivation or ability to look after the person you love.
Your own life and well being are crucial to your job as a caretaker. Pay attention to yourself. Give yourself time to live your own life. When friends call to get together and you’re constantly saying no, eventually they stop calling. They’ll assume you’re busy and stop bothering you. Your world can diminish and with that bring in a host of ramifications. Some caretakers become angry or resentful. All this can be prevented. The first step is to let other people in.   

“The miracle is this—the more we share, the more we have.”
-       Leonard Nimoy

From the upcoming book, A Safe Retirement : The 4 Keys to a Safe Retirement

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Meditating at Fifty


There are many things you need to do when the doctor tells you that you need to lower your blood pressure.  I was lucky that it was not enough of a problem that I needed medication, not yet!  For me, diet and exercise were the easiest solutions.  I began each and of course they yielded good results.  But I wanted to incorporate something that I had wanted to do for years: meditation.

I had heard all of the good things about meditation.  Peace of mind.  Relaxation.  Lowers stress and blood pressure.  It all sounded good but I have a job and a family.  How the heck would I fit it in to my schedule?  How do I get started?  Oh and at 51, I wondered if a gray hair like me could actually do it.

Well, after a few months of doing it, the good news is that my blood pressure has been lowered (along with my weight-due to diet and exercise) and I’m finding that I’m better able to deal with the ups and downs that life throws at me each and every day.  I must say that I credit my outlook on the meditation.

The good news is not only that it works, but that any one can do it.  For those who consider themselves “too old” for meditation (as I did), the reality is that you may actually be the most appropriate age for it.

How to get started?  This is actually easier that I thought.  You don’t need a yoga mat.  You don’t need to sit in a lotus position.  You don’t need chimes, bells, an altar or incense.  If you’ve got a chair, you can do this.

I found that the best thing for me was a 99 cents ap for my iPhone called “Simply Being”  (http://www.meditationoasis.com/smartphone-apps/iphone-ipod-touch-ipad-apps/).  This ap allows you to start with a five minute meditation and work up to a 10 or 15 minute meditation.  It provides nature sounds, music and a comforting voice guiding you through the meditation.  It couldn’t be easier and the results will be immediate.

If you don’t have an iPhone, don’t fret.   All you need is to set aside 5 or 10 minutes of quiet time in a comfortable spot.  It may help to use a kitchen timer to alert you when your time is up. 

Simply sit peacefully.  Close your eyes.  What works for me is to then count my breaths.  This works for me and but it may not be the most effective option for you (you can find many solutions and ideas on the internet through Googling ‘meditation’). 

The key becomes to concentrate on what you’re doing now.  Thoughts will come to you.  The important thing is to let them but don’t dwell on them.  Let them go.  I promise they’ll come back after your meditation (they may not be as important then). 

Enjoy the peace and quiet.  It’s your time to do nothing.  When you end your meditation, you’ll be amazed at how refreshing doing nothing is.  (try this before you get started:  http://www.donothingfor2minutes.com/ )

I think the interesting thing about meditation that I’ve learned is that it can be accomplished in so many ways.  If you’re religious, you can say prayers and that constitutes meditation.  If you love nature, meditation can be enjoying the sounds of the woods and spending time looking at trees.  It’s whatever works for you but the results will include not only improved health but a better sense of enjoying the small pleasures of life.

And at this point in our lives, it’s the perfect time to stop, be silent and enjoy the wonders that life provides us.  They’re all around you.  Meditation makes you appreciate the world outside of you by calming the world inside of you.  Try it!  You’ll like it!